Good morning from Paris.
I made a music video for my recent release, Vintage Bendel, the 3rd track of the Dear Ghost EP. At first, the process of making it reminded me of being a kid: driving to remote desert gas stations to find fireworks, eating candy, swimming in my bikini, off-roading in a friend's Tacoma, destroying old vinyls on camera. I had so much fun.
Then it came time to post it and all the voices streamed in. "Remember all the people who told me to stop acting in my own videos?" "What will people think seeing me in a bikini on the internet?" “I despise promoting myself and would rather live a quiet life unseen by anyone” "What if people don't care and don't watch it and it falls flat like the other videos and songs I’ve spent hundreds of hours on?" ... I almost didn't post it.
I texted my sister with my fear to promote the video. She simply asked "what are you afraid of?" and that sticky devil fell right off my back. Instant. I realized my fear is the judgement of others, which is really an external manifestation of the judgement of myself. It is also the fear of rejection of others, or being overlooked and not valued, which then confirms my lowly suspicions of my self worth. DONE... POSTED... PROMOTED. What else am I here for?
I made this piece of art. I guess its art. Call it what you will or don't call it anything. I hope it brings someone a fraction of the joy it brought me to make it. And maybe someone has a summer bop to add to their playlist.
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