July 9, 2023
Yesterday I deactivated my instagram account and logged out of tiktok and facebook. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision with years of ignored intuition behind it. It’s been a longterm belief of mine that I can’t achieve an international artistic presence as a writer and performer of my own songs and other’s without actively maintaining a personal social media presence. Many “mentors” in my life have also had the fear of who they are without all that validation and the occasional gig call they receive by being on social media. For long, I’ve formatted my art according to what performs well on the apps where people consume ,,,,,,,, “art”,,,,,,,,,,,,,
We’ve put the collective definition of “art” in the hands of corporations, including instagram. Recently I’ve been honest enough with myself to acknowledge personally participating in this is not in alignment with the artist I am, nor the leader I am. I will no longer deny that people have been following in my musical and personal footsteps for years and while I’ve rejected that truth out of self-loathing and denial, well like I said, I’ve been honest enough with myself lately to acknowledge who I am without putting any moral label on it.
I’ve formed how I relate to the world on social media, bridging adolescence into my 20s by tailoring my personality and art to the internet. I do wish I were exaggerating. However, I am completely not. It has been one of the strongest causes of anxiety in my life because now I realize how inauthentic to my true nature it really is.
People of all beliefs talk about our ‘higher selves.’ We have this idea that somewhere out there in time or space is this version of us who acts in accordance with what we actually value, what we actually want, who we actually are. They have the life we know we deserve or are meant for or just simply desire. Inherently, this holds the ideal self separate from our present form. Yesterday I realized, and I have been realizing over recent years, that my higher self is me and is me now. The task of life is not that I pine for and chase my higher self, but that I relax into my highest self by allowing my inner guidance, my spidey-senses, to inform my action, allowing the unconditional love (which is the reality of my existence) to dissolve my shame, allowing my inherent freedom to unchain the shackles of any other outside belief.
Upon deactivating my instagram, which dismantles the account’s visibility without deleting any of its data, I realized this life and this journey as an artist is so much bigger than the confines of social media. This is why I live in New York City when “nowadays you can live anywhere with the internet,” why I started a blog on my website, why I continue to perform live, and why I put my phone in airplane mode to sit in my room and write songs all day. But since I know I do not exist on Instagram today, the music and the art has never felt more sacred, more powerful, more purposeful. Perhaps because I don’t need it to perform well. I don’t need to watch it perform well.
I am. This is it.
I’ve always had a reason to not do what I did yesterday. I have more music coming out and about to come out than ever before. There’s a new song out this Friday and my EP releases in total on August 4th. I’m writing more than I ever have in my life. My live shows feel more momentous than they have in years. So, stepping away from social media could absolutely be seen as foolish. However, I’m a risk taker and a sucker for trying things I’ve never tried before.
Gandhi said to be the change you want to see in the world. Truth is, conformity never flattered my frame.